Life in limbo: pass the love on

Things are weird in our house this week; it feels like momentous things are going to happen, but just not quite yet.

Mum was admitted to hospital last Tuesday evening, and she’s still there as I type this. The admission was because she complained of abdominal pain and she was very confused.

When I visited her yesterday afternoon, she is still confused,  but no longer in pain. They want to do a CT scan and see if she has had another stroke, but I guess it isn’t urgent and she has been ‘parked’, really, on a ward over the weekend. I know she’s ‘not herself’ because she is submitting fairly meekly to being there.

The day she was admitted was very traumatic for me (as well as for Mum), so when Mum’s local authority key worker suggested I ‘take the day off’ on Wednesday and not visit the hospital, I readily took that as permission to absent myself. It gave the professionals time to assess what was going on with Mum’s physical and mental condition. I’ve visited her each day since, but I’m not planning to go today becasue her church elder is going – but I feel guilty. I keep thinking about the long boring hours in the ward, with nothing to do and nowhere to go…

It’s a school holiday here today, too, and I am assuaging my guilt about my own mother by  at least being a happy mum here for my son.

My husband and son were away all day yesterday at an event my son was taking part in; so my husband also had a long and boring day doing his parental duty. He brought me home a little box of two chocolates…. for him an unusual and very touching gesture. I’ve decided that the words on the box are an instruction to me on how to cope in this limbo… I’ll just do my best to pass the love on.